-Posted by Israelmore Ayivor on 18th July 2013.
An offence is an emergency that easily surfaces when a person does not get what he wants or he gets what he does not want .The presence of an offence can re-direct a person’s attitude into a negative format. Negative attitudes such as anger, greediness, chaos, regret as the lot gain their source from offensive projection. How then can a person deal with an incoming offensive status?
What should a person do when others behaviour towards him tends to affect his state of positive internal harmony? How can you balance your anchor in the storm of offence? The following tips will provide you with seven (7) major tips that will guide you to avoid being influenced by offensive emergencies.
1. Perceive people positively;
Mostly, offence comes as a result of false gossips that people spread about others. A person who get offended by hearing about a bad behaviour of another person may make statement like ‘ I never knew he is like that”, “I thought he is such a good person”, etc. The moment you perceive someone wrongly, any little mistake from the person is being printed in extra-large fonts and marginalized. Try and get to know people very well not through conversations of their enemies, but by testing the sincerity of their love for you. Think of everyone as fallible, meaning someone may do a wrong thing unwillingly. Getting offended over something someone did is as a mistake as a profitless waste of one’s emotions.
2. Practically separate yourself;
You are likely to exhibit regretful behaviour when you easily get offended by people’s actions. Regretful behaviour is what you put up now and latter say ‘had I known’! ‘Had I known is a statement that an offended person would have avoided by quickly taking his mind and body if possible off from the source of his offences. All the water in the river cannot sink the boat unless they get inside. Don’t wait till offences enter you and sink you to do a wrong thing. Have an absolute differentiation of your emotional status and your inner sense of being. Realize that your opinions are not you. This conceptual frame of mind will save you from being depressed. When you are insulted to be the type of person you are not, you will be offended if you take it into you as it affects your emotions. The reality is that, you were insulted to be “stupid”. But your sense of being must tell you that you are wise and wonderfully made. This thought in you about your positive self will create a broad way for offences to bypass.
3. Poses that “Special humility”;
When a person is truly born again, he poses a peculiar type of humility that makes him talk with responsibility. You can get offended by what you hear and you can multiply the offence by what you say in your reaction. That is why Bible said; “…harsh words stir up anger” (Prov. 15v1). It is unwise for someone to see you doing the wrong thing and start confronting you; “why are you behaving so stupidly like this”. That statement is already offensive, unkempt and unwise. But it will be wiser on your side to answer in a wise manner that “I am sorry”. That keeps the offensive toxins from the mouth of the offender neutralized. Lack of that “special humility” in most people is the result of conflict in churches, families and societies as people are not gifted with it through a sincere re-birth.
4. Believe in the “truth”, not the “fact”;
Facts are judgmental concessions while the truth is a divine claim. The fact could be that you are hungry, but the truth is that you are not poor. Settle that in your life and it will save you. It you do not disintegrate that fact from the truth; you will easily be carried away by offences and end up becoming hopeless. The fact could be that someone called you a wild name, for instance that “you have a very big head”. The truth is that you are a wonderful creature. The fact is that someone destroys your sense of peace; but the truth (the way, the truth and the life) is that Christ loves and you must love everyone, including those who drive you crazily. You can’t love someone if you allow yourself to be offended by what the person says or does. The truth is backed by Christ’s mindset while facts are from humans’ judgment or culture.
5. Exercise self-control;
Self-control is a weapon that prevents you from doing what your spirit doesn’t like. Your body and soul can easily get attracted to things that annoy your spirit. This means, naturally, you have a divide battle against yourself. Imagine you, fighting against YOU. One battle going on within oneself; that is it. Self-control is a weapon of victory that keeps the triune man in internal harmony. When your emotion is wounded by someone’s disposition, self-control keeps you away from reacting to the offence. Such an offence may bring a gap of tension between your spirit and your flesh. You cannot do anything about how you feel, but you can do something about how you act. Control your ambitions and you will live life so well. People who rub bitter words on you always create friction. Their frictions are the beginning of blazing fire flames. Don’t be the wind fanning their flames. Don’t contribute to making someone get offended as well.
6. Pass on the judgmental hammer;
Many a times, chaos starts as an argument; continues as a conflict and grows into war. The seed of this war as we can see is that seed; argument. An argument can be interpersonal (between people) or intra-personal (within you). You may start whispering; “so that is what they about me” or get musing; “I must prove this people wrong”. All these arguments in your mind may make you to plan proving your case. It is not wrong to prove that you are right, but that must be done in such a way so as not to breed more offences. Vengeance is the Lord’s; he deserved the judgment hammer, therefore pass it unto him and save for yourself the energy with which you will need to strike it.
7. Put on Christ’s shoes;
Forgiveness is the entire attitude of Christ. When He is assaulted 100 times, He forgives 101 times because He forgives even before the offence is being created. Christ has created footprints in which we are expected to walk if we call ourselves “CHRISTIANS”. We can only walk in those footprints is we pose His attitude, not holding on recent offences of people. Even at the time when people threatened him with personal word of offences, he passed on the judgment hammer by saying “father, forgive them”. Do you know how precious you are to God? Do you know that most of the people who attempt to put bitterness into your heart do not know what they are doing? Yes! That’s why you must forgive because “they don’t know what they are doing”.
You are too precious to debate yourself at the bank of offences where no interest is generated. Storms may come, hard times will pass, waves will move, grounds may shake, but your anchor must hold in those storms of life. Live at peace with all, and stay away from the bitter harm of taking offences.
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